The Drink
by Viceroy Elf
Summary: It's late, Dipper's Drunk, and Pacifica's missing her favorite show. What else could go wrong?


The Drink

On Wednesday nights, Pacifica Northwest's favorite show would air a new episode. On this night, the nature of the main protagonist's parentage was to be revealed.

And she was missing it because of her boyfriend.

Dipper did not make it back to his room after class was over. He didn't call with an explanation. That meant that A: he was in prison for possessing unofficial government documents, B: He'd been killed or otherwise incapacitated by some manner of eldritch horror, or most likely C: He was drunk.

Dipper started drinking before he was supposed to, as expected of most teenagers. He didn't do so often, just a cup of whatever was at ever stupid party his sister made him go to. He mostly did it so the others wouldn't bug him about not doing it. It didn't matter much anyway. The kid had a tolerance for alcohol like nobody's business.

But he could get drunk when he needed to. Sometimes when he was bored or sad. And if he was getting drunk, it was at the only place a 19 year old could get drunk.

This is why Pacifica, the ever caring and loving girlfriend she was, was driving to an English-Style pub a few miles off campus to baby sit an undoubtedly drunk Dipper.

She told herself not to worry. This wasn't the first time. She'd probably just catch him twiddling his thumbs in his stool, thinking way too hard about where the wood from the bar had come from. It wouldn't be like the time she caught him, sobbing through a bottle of cheap rum at 2 in the morning after a nightmare. Or the time in highschool screamed in a drunken rage at the night on top of the mystery shack, only to fall and fracture his shin. That was a pretty award few months.

She arrives to the shady forum to find a decent number of people. Dipper sticks out like a sore thumb, partly because he's sitting on the same bar stool he sits at every time he comes here, partly because it's painfully obvious he's too young to be here.

She questioned him once on how it is he's allowed to drink here, only for him explain it's not exactly legal for the bar owner to be in this country. How and why a crusty Scottish came to the United States to open a bar, and how Dipper discovered this, she's sure is a fascinating tale, but not relevant to the task at hand.

She takes the vacant seat next to him, and it's honestly a few seconds before she hears a drowsy "Hey, Pax. What're you doing here?"

"It's 8 in the evening. What are **you** doing here?"

He looks down for a moment, actually trying to figure out why he hasn't left yet. "I tried to leave a few hours ago, but my legs weren't doing what I told them to."

She sighs, and pulls a box out of her purse. "This is a toasted baguette. You're going to eat it to soak up the alcohol in your gut. And, the only thing you're drinking for the rest of the night is water."

He looks at the bread in its box, now visible with the lid off. She breaks off a piece of bread and holds it out for him. She's surprised when he grabs her wrists, eyeing the morsel curiously, before grabbing it out of her hand with his teeth.

"Still warm. Thanks Pax." He says, mouth now full of bread. And she blushes because he looks so helpless and dopey and…

"Bartender, can we get a glass of water here? No ice." She huffs, trying to gather her thoughts. She remembers that she's here to essentially baby sit him. Sure, he had done the same for her more times than she can count, given her more sociable lifestyle. However, Dipper was different. There are, after all, two kinds of drunks, functional and nonfunctional. Dipper was decidedly nonfunctional, he'd reach a point where motor control was beyond him and from there he'd eventually become a zombie, as seen here and now. Of course, zombies don't have rosy cheeks and fluffy brown hair, so, Pacifica decides, it's a little better.

"Come on, lean on my shoulder" she says, leading him to a booth where he might be a little more comfortable. "So, you gonna tell me what happened this time?"

"Nothing happened, Pacifica."

"Dipper you only come here when something's the matter. You know you're not supposed to hide things anymore. Don't make me call your sister-"

"Fine! Fine." he closes he eyes. "It's not something big or even all that important. We had a test in economics today. I got a 100, while some other kid got a grade he wasn't happy about. In a fit, he called me a rat, said that I'd cheated, and from there we… exchanged words."

"And by words, do you mean you decked each other until someone pulled the two of you a part."

"Not looking forward to the bruise that's gonna be on my cheek tomorrow." He says sadly. He perks up a little, however, when Pacifica lightly kisses his cheek.

"That help?"

He's got that goofey grin plastered across his face. "Always does."

"Good. You eat your bread, and I'm going to refill that water glass."

"You know, I think I got punched on my other cheek to." He says.

"Don't push your luck, cutie." She says. It's funny she thinks, like she's not obviously going to kiss his other cheek once she gets back with his water.

She gets to the bar and the barkeep has managed to disappear. So she waits.

And Waits.

And waits.

"Hey there."

She perks up. It's been maybe five minutes since she sat down at the bar, and she managed not to notice man come up to her. She looks past and sees his buddies shrugging at her apologetically.

"So, like, I noticed you over here, and I think you're really cute-"

"I'm sorry, but I'm here with my boyfriend. You didn't notice us sitting here earlier?"

And the man looks genuinely surprised. "I saw, I just didn't think you two were… Well, that doesn't mean we can't just talk, right?"

She's stunned. "Okay dude I get that you're drunk but are you really going to be that guy right now?"

She's about to leave the bar, when his hand grabs her arm. Great, he's one of those kinds of drunks.

She's ready to knee this guy in the crotch, but something unexpected happens.

"Hey dude. Dude, dude, dude."

"What." He says, turning toward Dipper who's barely managing to stay standing.

"I just wanna show you a magic trick." He says, pulling a deck of cards, out of his coat pocket. "See? Here, pick a card."

Dipper holds out the cards in front of the man, who carries an expression of utter confusion, and Pacifica doesn't look like she understands any more than him.

"No, okay, here, I'll pick for you." He picks a card without looking at it and holds it in the man's face.

"Memorize it", he says, putting the card back in the deck. He quickly shuffles the cards, and pulls one off the top deck. "Was this your card?"

"No." The man says firmly.

"Well then we don't neeed it." Says Dipper. And then he proceeds to toss the card into the man's face, only for it to disappear in a flash of smoke and fire before hitting his face. The man backs up, confused and shocked.

"What about this one? No? Guess it's gone too. This one? No? You know lemme see if I can find it."

The man backs away further as Dipper throws more cards from the deck only for them to dissolve in the air with a flash.

"I guess it's just not in here anymore." He says, letting the cards flutter out of my hands, all of them bursting into fire. The sight is enough to make the man stumble backward and fall over.

Dipper holds a hand out to him. "You okay?"

He doesn't get to answer, as Pacifica decides it's time to leave.

"Okay you can walk now so we're leaving." She says, dragging him out by the arm.

"I didn't get to finish my bread." He says as he is lead out of the establishment.

0000

They're sitting in her car, just outside her dorm building, when she decides to speak to him.

"Dipper, I appreciate what you back there, but you can't just do that stuff whenever you want."

"Pacifica-"

"You could have hurt that guy, and you'd better hope he was too drunk to remember any of this."

"Pax-"

"While we're at it, you've gotta stop running to that place anyway. I'm not a psychologist but I'm pretty sure cheap, illegally obtained booze isn't a good way to deal with your problems."

"Paaaaaaax"

"What!?"

His expression is vacant, and it bugs her a little. Like he doesn't even realize what he just did. He reaches behind her ear, and she's confused, until he brings his hand out. There's a playing card in his hand. And, of course, it's the queen of hearts.

"There it is." He says, looking at the card and smiling.

Suddenly, she's laughing. She's not sure if it was because of what Dipper did, or if she's just remembering how absurd he life has become as part of her relationship with the Pines. She leans back in her chair and sighs. "Mabel's gonna have a cow when she hears about this. Oh, what are we gonna do with you, Dipper?"

"Well, I am still owed a kiss on my other cheek."

She laughs again. It's silent for a while.

"I love you Dipper."

"Pax… You totally said it first."

She turns her head and the biggest, most despicable grin is splitting his face and it takes all her reserve to keep a straight face, while also not slapping that grin off him.

"Jeez. It's a good thing you're too drunk to remember this in the morning."

"No way I'm forgetting this." He takes her hand and kisses it. "I love you too, by the way."

"I know, dork."

"Good. Does this mean I can get that kiss now?"

She smiles as a thought enters her head. "Tell you what. I'm going up to my room. If you can follow me without stumbling over, I'll let you in, and we'll see what happens."

Pacifica promptly left her car. Dipper, an expression of awe on his face, bolsters himself. He is in for very long walk.


End file.
